


At least it's not a Kolbjörn

by Offbrand_Valk



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Other, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 04:54:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29183586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Offbrand_Valk/pseuds/Offbrand_Valk
Summary: It's a fic about Brigitte, Lucio and D.Va all being trans and living together
Relationships: Brigitte Lindholm/Lúcio Correia dos Santos/Hana "D.Va" Song
Comments: 3
Kudos: 7





	At least it's not a Kolbjörn

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nice-nereesa (vice_vereesa)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vice_vereesa/gifts).



> TBH i'm really surprised this is not a big ship than it is. I mean, it's cute, and they have similar trauma, what more do you need agbgfvbfd?

"I guess we will give you and Billy some alone time." Lucio said, gesturing to the assorted cardboard boxes that littered the living room.

Brigitte looked away from her planning whiteboard in offense. "Why me? I thought we should have bought a Fjällbo or a couple of Vittsjö! You were the ones who wanted a Billy."

"Well Billy is a lot cheaper than those other two, and it uses the space better. Its just optimization." Hana said, defending their boyfriend, from their girlfriend who was much more invested in Ikea furniture than either of them had really expected.

"First you make me tell my parents we bought a Billy, and now you're making me assemble them alone? When will the betrayals end?" Brigitte said, dramatically waving her whiteboard marker around, in a manner that made both Hana and Lucio question if they were committing some Swedish faux par.

"It's just..." Lucio struggled to find a diplomatic way to put it, but Hana cut him off. "You're really intense."

"How am I _intense_? I just think we should have a plan before we start building furniture." Brigitte gestured to her entirely reasonable 47 step color coded plan.

"I've gotten mission briefs less complicated than this!"

"I think you two are making three chickens out of a feather. This is a completely normal way to build Ikea furniture."

"Normal people don't make plans before building furniture, they follow the manual!" Hana said, still not convinced this wasn't all just a joke gone on too long.

"We are not using a manual Hana!"

Lucio tried once again to be the diplomat. "Look, Brigitte, we can tell its important to you that this happens a certain way, and that's okay, but that's not the way we want to do it. So how about it? You built us a Billy or two while me and Hana unpack the kitchen?"

Brigitte groaned and gestured for them to leave, all the while muttering: "At least its not a Kolbjörn."

* * *

"Do you think we were too hard on her?" Lucio said holding on to his end of the cardboard box for dear life as they climbed the stairs.

"I don't know, she was being pretty stupid about this whole _Billy_ thing." Hana said, wishing they had half the leg strength of their boyfriend or heck a 4th of that of their girlfriend's.

"Maybe she was just trying to keep us included – broken step."

"Well then she should have tried harder." Despite Lucio's warning, Hana had to catch themself from tripping. Watchpoint: Landskrona was in a sorry state even by Overwatch standards.

"I don't know..."

"Are we even sure she's angry at us? Maybe she's having a great time with her furniture; she is an engineer you know."

"But what if she is?"

Hana grimaced and kicked a stray skate to the side. Once the box was safely on the kitchen table and they could look Lucio in the eyes they took a deep breath and said. "You don't have to make everything your problem. Self-care is important you know?"

Lucio laughed, not in a dismissive way, or at least he hoped it didn't sound dismissive. Caring about others' perception of him was both a professional necessity and work injury, something he knew Hana related to all too well. He still couldn't keep himself from teasing them. "You're one to talk mx. 12-hours-training-on-a-slow-day."

"Hey!" Hana made an overstated cutesy-angry flourish their pr manager had drilled into them until it felt natural. "At least I only apply my martyr complex to important things, like giant killer robots, and people saying mean things about me on social media."

Lucio sighed. Hana could be difficult to talk to at times; all sharp edges wanting to lash out. Playing _who's got it worse_ never brought anything good, but Hana had definitely been through the ringer in more ways than once. They had gone from Korea, no East-Asia's most beloved, to a wanted fugitive, and the public opinion had changed overnight. They said they were happier now, and Lucio believed them, but it was clear they were still acclimatizing.

For Lucio and Brigitte, Overwatch had been a major, if ramshackle, step up. For Hana it was the downgrade of the century: Gone were the personal trainers, the daily schedules, and the fresh laundry; gone were the military convoys and precision; and gone were the 26.8 million followers; at least they had taken the corporate sponsorship deals and need for perpetual smiling with them.

Lucio wasn't exactly a fan of capitalism, and the way it had treated Hana had done nothing to endear him to it. The Korean army had drained them of everything they were worth from the moment they got their MEKA license and would have kept doing so until their death. Hell, they would have probably sold advertising rights for both their funeral and their headstone. _We are gathered here today to remember Hana Song, taken from us at a young age, Hana was known to her family as a devoted young mind and an avid user of SkillShare™. SkillShare™ is an online learning platform where-_

The mental image made Lucio's blood boil and he thanked his lucky stars Hana was too busy finding a home for their sandwich toaster to see him school his features. The Korean army's exploitation of them was still a sore topic, and he and Brigitte had agreed to let them call them their glory days for as long as they needed to begin processing the trauma it gave them.

"Little help thanks." Brigitte's voice rang out muffled from down the hallway.

"I'll check on her." Lucio said, a little too quickly to give Hana a chance to respond. He didn't mean to; he was just a little in his head tonight and helping his girlfriend out would make him feel less like he dumped the worst task in her lap.

"Thanks." Hana was still annoyed at Brigitte. As far as they were concerned this entire safehouse restoration project was a waste of their time and they didn't understand why Brigitte made it harder than it had to be.

To Lucio's surprise, he found Brigitte sitting next to an upside down table, surrounded by three perfectly assembled Billys.

"I was having so much fun with the Billys I decided to cheat and get started with the Torsby. I hope that's okay." Brigitte said without a drop of anger in her voice.

"Oh." That was not something Lucio had expected, and he found himself awkwardly scratching his stubble in search of a good reply. "Well, what can I help with?"

"Moving mostly, its a lot easier when you're two."

"Sure, where do we put them." Brigitte gestured to a diagram on the whiteboard which sort of looked like a floorplan. "Should have guessed." At this point he wasn't even surprised, just impressed by his girlfriend's commitment to planning.

"Is Hana still angry at me?" Brigitte chose the worst possible time to ask, right as Lucio was trying to get a proper grasp on Billy number two.

"I don't think it's you they're angry with, it's just a lot of changes all at once and I think the Ikea thing was too much for Them. They'll come around before bedtime."

"Thank you _skat,_ that's a load off my shoulders." Brigitte chuckled and pushed the Billy the rest of the way into the corner. "How are you holding up?"

Lucio sighed, he finally felt like the mood was lifting after a dour afternoon and he didn't want to be the one to bring it back down. But he didn't want to lie to his girlfriend either. "Well... we lost the revolution at home, nobody here has ever seen a black guy in a binder before, I don't speak the language, the food is bad, the memes are worse, and all the churches are protestant, but other than that I'm doing okay, and I mean that."

Brigitte eyes softened. "On a scale of 1 to 10?"

"Uh, a 5 maybe." Lucio spent longer thinking about that than he meant to.

Brigitte frowned. "5 Isn't good Lucio."

"It's not terrible either."

"Is there anything I can do to make it better?" Brigitte said, wanting to reach out but hesitating. The two of them tended not to hug as much as they wanted to; being close like that always reminded them of just how big their height difference was.

Lucio noticed her movement and smiled. "You can promise never to cook that chicken, hot sauce, and cream casserole ever again."

"How dare you, flying Jacob is a delicious and-.?" Brigitte paused and looked him deep in the eyes. "Are you deflecting right now?"

"I'm honestly not, losing was always an option. All we can do now is wait, and come back stronger. And, don't think I've forgotten that you tried replacing the plantains in that casserole with bananas."

"Plan-what now?"

"Brigitte, please tell me that the traditional recipe for flying jacob does not call for bananas to be put in the oven along with the peanuts, ranch, cream, chicken and hot sauce."

Before Brigitte could answer that yes that was very much the traditional recipe, served with rice and cold lettuce, Hana burst in yelling. "Hey losers I'm done in the kitchen, who wants their butt kicked?" Which all things considered was for the best.

"We're still getting things sorted here sorry." Lucio said, ensuring Hana and Brigitte could go a little longer without talking.

"Fine, I'll help, but when we're done somebody has to come play Smash Bros 69 with me" Hana looked from her boyfriend to her girlfriend with what Brigitte usually described as _eyes as big as teacups_. "Please?"

"Sure." Brigitte answered cautiously.

"Thank you."

"But I get to pick the map."

"So long as you pick from the competitive list."

* * *

"Hello, earth to Brigitte, Peach's Castle is super not on the competitive list."

"I don't know what that means Hana, but it's such such a cute map!"

"But there is SO MUCH RNG in it."

"I don't know what that means either."

"Is this revenge for the fight earlier?"

Brigitte looked horrified. "No Hana, I would never do that."

"Okay... I wasn't sure if you were still angry about the Billy situation."

Brigitte put down her controller and awkwardly scratched at her hand. There was something she wanted to say, and Hana waited in awkward anticipation for her to say it.

Truth be told, Brigitte felt guilty, she did that a lot around Lucio and Hana. Three years living in a car with a wannabe knight past retirement age had not been easy but when she compared herself to Lucio and Hana it felt closer to a gap year. Lucio had fought to protect his home against multinational megacorporations, Hana had defeated a double-digit amount of giant killer robots for a government who viewed them as an asset not a human. In the face of all that, what did it matter that her afternoon had been ruined?"

"It's okay if you're still mad at me, I should have realized how much those bookcases meant to you."

"The Billys' are fine, I mean they're not Fjällbo, but they work and you're right, Overwatch has to save money where it. It's just... I was really looking forward to building furniture with you guys, and then I ended up doing it on my own."

"So all that planning? Was that just you wanting to make sure we had fun?"

"No, that is how you build Ikea furniture, have you never tried it before?" Brigitte looked both confused and outraged, and Hana couldn't help but laugh.

"How about this: Next time we go out, we'll buy one of those giant Lego sets and we can build that together all three. Does that sound good?"

"Absolutely not! Lego is a garbage product from a garbage country and I will not have it in my house." Brigitte spoke without hesitation, but there was a crookedness to her smile that let Hana know she was at least partially joking.

Laughing, Hana grabbed Brigitte by the hair and pulled her in for a kiss. "You're such a weirdo I love you." Then they turned to Lucio, who'd been too engrossed in his music to see the scene playing out, and hit him with a water bottle.

"Yauch! What was that for." He said, taking off his noise-cancelling headphones.

"I love you." Hana smiled so gently Lucio immediately forgot all about his song and the water bottle, and went to kiss his partner. Then he kissed his girlfriend too for good measure.

**Author's Note:**

> For those wondering, yes, Scandinavians really are that intense about Ikea. It's not furniture, its a family ritual.
> 
> You can also find me on tumblr in case you want update whenever the planets align and I post a fic about whatever crackship im into at the moment. <https://offbrand-valk.tumblr.com>


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